The Sassy Smurf

Smurfing the Net

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There are days…

There are days…

…when I am the strongest woman in the room.

…when I am the weakest

…when I am the shortest.

… when I am the tallest.

… when I am the biggest.

… when I am the smallest.

… when I am the happiest.

…when I am the saddest.

…when I feel nothing at all.

There are days

…when I have the longest hair

…or the shortest.

…when I am out of style

…when I am totally focused

… when I am productive

…or completely scattered

… when my clothes are pristine

…when my clothes are tattered

There are days

… when I don’t leave my bed

Days when I don’t leave my head

Days when I own the world

Days  when I am scared little girl

There are days…

… when I seem older

Days when I am a child

There are days

… when my feet are colder

… when I let my dreams run wild



Within all these days, these things change everyday

But to me, one thing remains quite clear

The only thing that remains the same

Is all these things change day by day

By me just gazing in the mirror.



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Stupid Poetry #4

I boarded the Train of Crazies
And it was too late to turn around
The train was already moving
Headed to Crazy town.

The man beside me used his lap to mimic a snare drum
The lady to his right searched the floor for sandwich  crumbs.
The young teen in front of me had to online shop aloud
The baby to her right cried at every single sound.
The older man behind me tried to crowd surf on the chairs
The lady with the polkadot dress use this time to pluck her hair!

The couple three seats down were massaging each other’s feet.
While two little kids next to them were jumping on the seats

And if that wasn’t enough to drive you right out mad.
The conductor shouted over the intercom: “look ma no hands!”

How the train stayed on the tracks is way beyond me.
But perhaps the crazy train was fuelled by crazy energy.

When the train finally stopped and I thought that I was free –
The workers laughed and watched me try to leave.
” the doors don’t open silly” said a man on the train
“Once you’ve boarded as a crazy ,you never get away.”

“So why don’t you get to know us”  As my hope to get away began to shrink.
“You may even learn to find that were more normal than you think.”

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Stupid Poetry #3

I wrote this while waiting at the lab for some blood tests… I yawned and almost had a bug fly into my mouth…

As I was yawning I swallowed a bee

OR maybe it was a wasp,

I can’t be sure  I didn’t see!

Whatever it was, it stung me on the way down
As I swore while emittig  a buzzing sound

And the more time passed
The more I buzzed
And the more I buzzed
the more swollen I got
Until I was petrified my insides might pop!

Still unsure if it was a wasp or a bee
The answer appeared right in front of me
Right there looking me in the eyes
Was not one, or two bees – but a whole Hive!

Buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz said one bee
Unable to translate, I stared blankly
Then the bees took my phone and turned on Snapchat
To a particular filter so I could understand.

“You’ve swallowed our queen!” They said
And for that we must sting  off your head!
‘Easy guys” I cried ” no need to be drastic”
As the queen buzzed in my stomach becoming quite spastic
“My stomach acid will kill her soon-, so killing me, is useless and frankly quite rude!”

The bees unimpressed, “silly human- this isn’t a game!”
They pulled out their stingers ready to raid!
I braced myself, and then let out a cry
“Goodbye cruel world” and braced myself to die

And just as I did the bees all bowed down
And from behind me appeared a large bee with a crown
“Imbeciles” she screamed “do you think me so daft- that’d I’d leave the Hive to be swallowed by that?!”

“Hey!” I said insulted ” What’s wrong with me?”
“Uh well” she said: ” what kind of idiot shallows a bee?
“True.” I said, ” but I’ll have you know –
that I protect your kind, in my garden at home!”

The bees rolled their eyes and went to leave
“Wait!” I said, in desperate need of releif.
“I think it only fair, since I swallowed your friend-
that I say a few words to commemorate his end”
“Go on” said the queen, “say what you must-
I think it may have been my Butler Gus”

” Oh Gus! You have made it so clear to me-
What hamlet was saying in To Bee OR no to bee!”

And so St Pete, that’s how I died
I insulted an entire bee Hive!
If I had known that quote woulda gone south
I probably would have just learned to yawn and cover my mouth!


Sometimes things just create themselves… I did not plan this to go how it did. It’s kinda the beauty of knowing you aren’t making good art – if you know it will be stupid, there are no filters! 

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Let’s admit it – I’m bad at this.

It’s been another large gap between posts…let’s admit it…I’m terrible at blogging.

I am the kind of person who does way to many things at once, and I bite off way more than I can chew, to the point of choking… and then wondering as quickly as the very next bite, why I am choking again!

But I can say, that I very rarely abandon things. I generally cycle back, in the hopes of resurrecting what I started… all that to say – I am posting today.

The reason I have somewhat neglected the blog is because I have a lot going on. I started an official, fully fleshed out, YouTube Channel – called The Humbug. It’s essentially a vlog, but with spoof ditties, and sketches. If you are interested you can check it out here:

I am trying to run my own production company as well – doing various projects here and there… it’s proving to be somewhat discouraging, but such is the fight when trying to start something from scratch.

And of course, on top of all of that, first and foremost I am auditioning and being an actor. Working on projects that I book, and reading scripts for auditions, prepping…etc etc etc.

Oh – and managing my personal life…did I mention that?

I do feel as if I am truly living the artists life, which I would like to see as a positive. Putting in a lot of energy now, so I can receive the pay off later.

Anyway- I wanted to tune in and let you all know what I have been up to, in case you were wondering.

Feel free to follow my social media if you want to me more involved in my life! If not – until the next post (which I am hoping will be sooner rather than later, as my stupid poetry is piling up!)


~The Sassy Smurf~



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Stupid Poetry #2

I am having a personal beach day today – and as I was laying here some Stupid Poetry came to my mind and I thought I’d share it with you.

A seagull stares at me while I’m on the beach.

Wondering if I have food out of reach.

I tell him: NO! Go away!

He sits and stares at me anyway.

I turn my back, and he starts squawking.

A sound so deafening, it’s shocking! 

So I throw him an old  cracker and a chip And say: here asshole- take your pick! 

He looks at the food and back at me. 

Clearly too good for my offering. 

He then puts his face in the sand,

and chokes while trying to swallow a soda can.


True Story…kinda.




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Stupid Poetry

I’ve noticed lately when I’m commuting places I come up with atrocious poetry. It  enters my head in a rhythm..  sticks around and then goes along its merry way.

And I thought there’s a good reason these don’t leave my head because they are awful … but stupider things have been published.  For the sake of comedy,being gutsy…and utter  failure.  Here is one:

Being a fire hydrant- what a terrible thing to be.

Every morning noon and night you get covered with pee. 

People avoid you, cause their afraid of the fine 

And you’re painted yellow – what a terrible time! 

But life could be worse, imagine the nag- of living the life of a poop and scoop bag. bad. I’ll have you know- they are rarely potty humour, this one just happened to be.

Im learning  one must learn to laugh at the obscurities that flow through our minds…

Perhaps there shall be more to come.


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Manikin Music Video Coming Soon

As some of you know in 2014 I released an album called DEDICATED TO YOU. A lot of the music on the album was acoustic, or very close to acoustic. However one song, Manikin was more in the genre of rap.

I have decided before releasing my next album PHOENIX HEART that I will be releasing a music video to Manikin.

The song will be revamped, and edited in the hopes to not only do the subject justice but also release a music video that really speaks to the issues it discusses. Body image is a huge and reoccurring issue. Although spoken about very often in women it is also an issue that hits men as well.

While you wait for its release I have some stills from some of the footage. There is implied nudity in this video, although I believe tasteful and not explicit.

I have always been very careful to avoid nudity in my work, as I find very often its not tasteful, or beneficial to the product it is in. However when it comes to body image, bodies must be embraced and celebrated for the form they are. From what we are used to, I’d say its all very PG.

I expect the release will be in the next couple of months.

Thank you for all your support up until this point! 🙂


~The Sassy Smurf~